Is every person you call a friend really a friend?
If we are being real with one another, the answer is ‘No’. I say no because I am an observer and what I see daily, are thousands of statuses about people feeling abandoned, lonely, and in need of a shoulder to cry on. However, on almost every Instagram or Snapchat post they’re shouting somebody out for being their Day 1 and Loving them to the Moon & Back.
Something isn’t adding up.
I ask, what is the definition of a Day 1?
What does it take for someone in your life to reach the ‘friend’ status?
What is the extent of a friendship and how deep does it have to be for you to Love them to the Moon and Back although they are not there when you are going through it?
Friends check in on each other, often.
Much like in an intimate relationship there are levels to any relationship. The most common levels in intimate relationships are called Titles: Dating, Talking, FWB, Engaged, Open, Separated and Married.
We all know the amount and quality of work required to reach and maintain those levels, so shouldn’t the same go for friendships?
Based on Star’s Friendship Scale how many friends do you have?
Star’s Friendship Scale
These are the people you know, see often, maybe work with and hang out with from time to time for specific events (i.e. go-to party friends, go-to travel friends, go-to gossip friends) but you do not really know them and they don’t really know you. Mostly hang out around them in group settings and if you are alone, you often meet up with people in the same area/venue. Capable of giving advice from their standpoint but unable to tailor it to assist you. In most cases, because you don’t know them that well, you’ve never invited them to your house. You have never considered bringing them around your family.
The people you can trust with certain private information. Those who are around you often and attempting to get to know you by frequently engaging with you in conversation and/or outings. Those who you can depend on from time to time but not all the time. (Can also be those who gossip often or bring drama and turmoil into your world) Are typically there for everything including partying, drama, and they are supportive. Only on rare occasions are they unavailable when you need an ear. Terrible with advice because they do not know you well enough. An influence in your life whether positive or negative. Has probably seen you out with your parents/family but waved from a distance.
The people you can trust with any private information. Those who you probably grew up with and you know everything about and they know everything about you. In that case, you know the who they are so you know the how, about who they may have become over the years. The people that can change up in different settings without there being a misperception. Those that you can call and they will come running to your side, whether they pull up, answer your random FaceTime call or they may even call back the same day. They eat all the food in your home and your parents love them just as much as they love you.
(From those who consider me on this level and vice versa, whether old or new)
The people that you trust with anything. Those you may or may not have grown up with but you know them like the back of your hand. (You pray for them) You protect them in the ways that you know they need and want to be protected. You can depend on them and they help you through life. The people that don’t change up because they are firm in who they are, especially around you. Those that you can call in any crisis, if they can’t help they will hunt down somebody that can. They don’t just know your parents and family but have casual conversations with them without you ever knowing. In some cases they have even been to your parents’ home without you.
Above all else, friend, foe or ally, the truth will always come to surface. Know that whoever is in your life, will be there playing the role they were created to play in order for you to grow.
When times get hard and you question who you are, take a moment to weigh out all of the positives about yourself. If the good outweighs the bad then you’re doing alright. If the bad outweighs the good, then you have some inner work to do before befriending others. Friendship is delicate and things that friends may say or do (or not do) can cut you.
Bear in mind, any person’s perspective of you or a way another person may treat you is based upon their own spiritual, emotional, physical and mental capacity. So evaluate who you let into your life and what value you place on them.
I know how easy it is to fall away from those we love the most, especially when y’all are on different paths. If you’re like me and enjoy a good time outside but all your friends are married, with child or have kids then consider this:
Take a moment right now to reach out to a friend that you haven’t spoken to in a minute. Tell that friend how much they mean to you, if they’re down uplift them and if they’re up congratulate them.
Moving forward, remember that a friendship is a type of relationship. When it comes to the lowest level of friendships, acquaintanceship, don’t place too much pressure on those who you now know to be acquaintances. They don’t really owe you anything, and vice versa. Unless y’all are willing to do the work to take it to the next level.
To my people, I love you! No matter when our last conversation was, or the last time we saw one another, we will always pick back up with the same vibe. I will miss major moments, just as you will but I can’t wait to exchange them.