The beginning of a relationship should be nothing short of a magical and communicative experience. The exploration and general desire to understand your love interest should cause hundreds of butterflies to lift you into the air.
Unfortunately this euphoria dies down as the conversation becomes forced, or one party is no longer providing their undivided attention.
When this happens you may ask yourself, should I have ____ fill out a questionnaire? How do I ask questions without sounding like a narcissist? What should we talk about today? What haven’t we discussed? Is it necessary to speak at all for a few days?
The truth is, there’s no one set way to advance from courtship to the next phase. Although, you can achieve advancement with proper communication skills.
First off, do not offer your love interest a questionnaire and do not ever ask what are we doing. The first phase is typically too soon to request a definitive answer from someone whom you barely know. In addition, you should have established your intentions before exchanging numbers or talking everyday. It is important to be intentional because it will prevent you from creating expectations for someone who is uninterested in you.
Now, having someone fill out a questionnaire is lazy and can be a red flag to some people. I recommend that you set aside time, with your love interest, to be one on one in their comfort zone. If they enjoy nature, take a walk in the park, go to an arboretum, or hike a trail.
When people are comfortable in their setting, or around a certain vibe they are more willing to share thoughts and opinions. You’d be surprised what you can learn about someone in different settings and when they’re around different people.
Secondly, to be an effective communicator you have to be an active listener. I’ll say that again,
To be an effective communicator you have to be an active listener!
Simple right?
No, because it is more common to be preoccupied with other thoughts while someone is speaking. Those thoughts include how you’re going to respond, expectations on how the entire conversation should flow, and playing on your phone/watching television.
Sis, all of those things interfere with active listening and you should avoid doing them when you’re speaking with someone.
According to Lumen Learning, the five key components of active listening are receiving, understanding, evaluating, remembering, and responding. All of which are impossible to do if you’re on your phone or watching TV.
Active listening will provide you with a better understanding of:
- What is being discussed
- How something or someone makes the speaker feel
- How the speaker responds in certain situations
- How the speaker deals with and manages stress
- The speaker’s coping mechanisms
- How the speaker need to be comforted or supported
- The best way for you to respond and communicate with the speaker
- Other things not listed
As an active listener you will be provided with tools to communicate effectively with your love interest. In heated discussions, or delicate situations, you’ll be aware to take caution and avoid responding emotionally.
“Emotional responses are the fuel to a fiery argument. Often times, an argument can be avoided if you create a basic level or moderate level of communication.”
– Star Candelaria
When you practice active listening it will lead to in depth dialogue that may answer the questions on your questionnaire. Except, your effective communication with your love interest will be more connected.
By using these methods to communicate effectively I hope that your euphoric feeling is everlasting and that you’re amongst the clouds each day.
Star Candelaria 